I understand that children attract attention. My children usually draw a lot of attention just based on their volume and antics alone. Here are a few of my favorite comments that we get almost everywhere.
Cameron has an internal step counter that doesn't allow him to take fewer than 20,000 steps in a given day. The phrase, "Son, get over here and stand still," cannot overtake "Who Let the Dogs Out" which must be playing in his mind. Ah yes, the doctor's office. My most favorite place to take a child. I swear next time I'm going to wear a SARS mask and hopefully people get the picture. While we were waiting for the allergist, Cameron runs from one wall to the next screaming at the top of his lungs...for fifteen minutes. "Wow, that kid doesn't stop does he?" That's the parenting vernacular of, "Your child is annoying the piss out of us and he's obviously a candidate for ADHD medicine." What I would like to say is, "No lady, he's the youngest IronMan participant and this appointment is interfering with his training."
Jack can always draw up the fat comment. "Wow, that is a big baby!" Do you approach your adult friends with, "Damn, you're big!" Nope, didn't think so. One of the only times in your life you can be fat and it should be acceptable is when you're a baby. He's cute and healthy. His ankle rolls are a sign that he's getting fed. Deal with it.
"Looks like you got your hands full." I sure as hell do. Now open the damn door for me instead of lounging on the rockers in front of Cracker Barrell.
"I can't understand anything he's saying." No shit. He's two and he's in speech for his delay. I should start telling people, "Yeah we taught him Vietnamese as a second language, and he really just took to it."
"Are they both yours?" One day I will get the balls to say, "No, I picked up the little one by the curb. You want him?"
"Can I hold him (Jack)?" My thought is always, "You'll be sorry." They give him back within minutes after the screaming.
