Blackmail: Cameron

Why we can't go back to the park

Clothes off in the comfort of our backyard.  Yes, we are on a golf course but I feel like the fence says "Mind your own business, please."

Running errands always starts with a bribe and usually ends with a bribe.  "You want to go to the park?"  Two kids sprint to the back door and wait for me to dress them from head to toe all the while screaming as though each second that passes one piece of playground equipment is destroyed.  I finally get them in the car and proceed with my errands.  With every stop it's the same, "We're going to the park after this."  My strategy though selfish is to run all my errands as far away from the park as possible so they fall asleep before we can ever get to the park thus avoid going to the park altogether.  Five minutes away and those heavy eyes close.  Success!!!  As I pass in front of the park smiling and secretly patting myself on the back, I damn near drive off the road as a shrill "PARK MAMA!!!  GO PARK!!!" echoes from the back seat.  Son of a...  Really?  

Okay so the park is a glorious place.  Jambalaya Park in Gonzales.  I love it.  Honest.  It had rained the night before, but the rubber surface drains really well so it's still a dry place to play.  I open the gate and release the hounds to run and climb freely all while I lounge on a park bench leisurely checking Facebook and strategically placing tiles on Words with Friends.  (In an ideal world)  What it really looks like is Cameron shouting at me "Mama watch this," "Mama, come on" all while I chase after Jack who is making a bee line toward the one swimming pool-sized mud puddle in the whole entire park.  I am on edge the entire time with worst-case scenarios playing out in my head.  Who is enjoying this?  Shit.  Cameron slides and then shouts, "Pants wet, Mama."  Praise Jesus it isn't diarrhea.  Okay really no big deal.  Pants are just slightly damp from the water droplets on the slide.  I pat him on his butt and send him on his way.  

Jack in the meantime, notices that the gate doesn't lock and there is a crystal clear fountain forty yards outside the park that is just sparkling in the afternoon sun.  As I blockade the gate, I notice Cameron sitting at the very top of the slide's entrance.  He stands up, "Hey Mama." "Cameron, pants!!"  The child has taken off his shorts, socks and shoes and then takes off running around the park in his T-Rex underwear.  Can't leave Jack unattended so I pick him up then try to chase Cameron who is laughing hysterically and Jack is in the uncontrollable laughter phase.  I gave up on chasing the kid and instead carried Jack up the jungle gym to retrieve Cameron's clothing.  I tried the walk away method and Cameron just calls after me, "Bye, Mama!"  Eventually he caved and chose to come home with us.  At least there he could take his shirt off too.    

That second child

Thank goodness he didn't let his urine-soaked pants wake him up.

This is his signature expression after taking off his glasses

 I sure do love the feeling of hearing my alarm go off and actually waking up in my own bed.  It rarely happens but one morning it did.  Brian got up and went to work, Cameron was in his own bed snoring away, and it was pretty quiet in Jack's room.  Too quiet.  I turned on the hall light and...NO JACK!  What the hell?  My life is now a Lifetime movie.  He's been kidnapped and we just slept through the whole damn thing.  I went check in the bathroom, in Cameron's room, in the kitchen, in the living room.  Could not find the kid.  Then I went back to check in his room again and almost stepped on the child.  (Top picture)  He crawled out of his bed and made it to the living room where he proceeded to piss all over my rug and settle in for a snooze.  The kid was practically camouflaged.  The saddest part is that I was ever so thankful he found a place to sleep instead of waking me up.  Usually he hits up the club (my bedroom) at about 1:45 looking for his mom to come keep him company while he chats it up.

He is quite the little sneak.  I love that he has Cameron to play with, but I don't love that he uses me to get his way.  Cameron had a bag of chips for snack, and even though Jack mowed through two lunches and a snack he couldn't help but salivate at that yellow bag of greasy goodness.  He approached Cameron and just stood there until Cameron looked away and then he hand started toward the bag.  Cameron took off around the coffee table and Jack chased him.  This continued until Jack came over to me, grabbed my arm and pulled me toward Cameron.  Yes, he gets his momma to fight his battles for him.  I reached in Cameron's bag pulled out a few chips and then gave them to Jack.  Stealing from one child to give to another.  The ultimate betrayal.  Commence meltdown.