I'd like to push my pride aside and slip on those Lisa Rinna Depend undergarments for the sole reason of not being able to go to the bathroom in public...with two kids.
I've been able to leave the house with two kids one in diapers and one in underwear. The problem is not getting Cameron to pee, the problem is getting them to wait for me while I do.
Case in point...
I went solo with the two jumping beans to the local Jump N Jive (bounce house). As if a uterine prolapse at the age of 30 wasn't enough, tack on recurrent UTIs and we have ourselves the making of a painful trip to the bathroom. Wait I need to bring a 2 year old and a 1 year old? Ha!
Cameron and Jack came with me into the bathroom stall since it's frowned upon to leave small children with strangers. Public bathrooms make my skin crawl. I am not one of those moms that lysols the whole damn thing before going in, but I wish they would go in right before me and clean it all up. When I really think about it though, those bathrooms get cleaned more frequently than my own. Imagine that. So I have Cameron standing on my feet and I'm trying to make sure his shorts and underwear don't touch the tile. The whole time I'm looking at the floor and Cameron is holding onto the toilet seat to brace himself. What in the world? I pull his arms up over his head as if germs can't survive at a certain height then Jack decides to wash his hands in Cameron's stream of pee. You have got to be kidding me!!!
Sadly, I figured I would just clean them up after my turn. Cue disgusting stereotypical toddler behavior. Jack crouches down to see what's on the other side of the stall, and I start pleading with him not to do it. Please don't...and there he goes. Down on all fours crawling under the stall. Is it too much to ask for a stall that goes all the way to the floor? I have him by the shirt dragging him back as I try to wrap things up. (Ever try to wipe with your non-dominant hand?) Now my little locksmith (Cameron) slides the lock across and there goes the door. Yes, we were in the handicap stall so the door flies open and away from my reach. Thank you, karma. I realize I should not have been in the handicap stall. I am now staring at my frazzled reflection in the mirror above the sink and watching my kids make their way out the stall covered in urine and toilet germs. As I flush, Jack turns around, grins, and claps for me. Just another day....oh wait that was only 5 minutes of our day.
