Going to need a bigger bowl

I've been battling this potty training thing for sometime - not for myself - my child, and I'll even throw the other one in there too for shits and giggles.  I am so bad at potty training that my oldest has something called "encroporesis," which essentially means he holds it so long that he will shit himself uncontrollably causing his colon and rectal muscles to lose function.  I can not make this up.  Pooping has been such a traumatic thing that he would rather not do it.  If you can't poop on your own toilet, where can you poop?  Apparently in your underwear if you ask him.  So now that I've overshared you know my backstory.

Here's the revelation I have stumbled upon...my toilet is not big enough!  No Dr. Sears book or self-help internet website necessary.  Cameron goes in the tub at bathtime, we dump in every toy we have, we throw in brother, and BAM!!  That digestive track kicks into gear and his colon sighs in relief.  Instant panic sets in.  What child do I save first from the floating logs of contamination?  The bath water starts swirling in a sea of brown and decisions have to be made.  For some reason impulse causes me to get the culprit out first and heave him on the potty.  He always looks at me in disbelief like, "Did you not see the poop in the tub?  I'm good."  I reach to save the little one and before I can throw him a life ring, I see his hands are now squeezing his new bath toy.  Prayers are sent up, "Please dear God just don't let my child eat the poop."  My parenting skills have been exhausted at this point, and I keep the little one in the tub dangled under running water.  Where are the instructions on this?  "Mama, can you clean my booty?" is replaying about 100 times a minute while I try to explain to a three year old that a dirty booty is not top priority right now as I have a two year old who may or may not have INGESTED the shit.  

I feel like I have typed a post like this before.  This happened a couple of times and the reign of terror is happening in full force as little brother is now taking cues from the big one.  Just as soon as the water has reached optimal temperature and every toy has assumed its rightful place in the jacuzzi of filth, my kids unleash all they have to offer and it's every parent, child and toy for himself.  
 
I can't decide if I just need to take the toilet seat off or if I have to fully submerge booties in order to get them to poop in the toilet.  Either way this does not give me good feelings about putting them in swimming lessons.

Happy 2nd birthday Jack!

Birthday # 2 was a farm party.  I had lots of cute ideas until 5am on the day of the party when I realized I had nothing done.  Pinterest 1.  Sarah 0.

Alex (for Tom and Maranda) and Jack

Adrienne (for Joey and Tricia) and Jack

Swinging with Jacob and he couldn't have been happier

This child practiced and blew out those candles like a champ.

He still has his chunky cheeks and rolls from head to toe but with each day that little look of mischief grows.  What a wild two years.  How did he get the mark on his forehead you might ask.  Brother?  No.  Daycare?  No. Yours truly.  Two years and the child still wakes up at least once a night.  2 am usually.  Sometimes I lay down in bed with him while he plays StoryBots on my phone until 4am before catching a cat nap.  Go ahead and judge.  I stayed up until midnight one night getting school stuff done and in walks Jack at his usual 2am.  Instead of picking him up and walking him back to his room, I pulled him in bed with me because what parents don't want two children wedged at right angles stabbing your eyes with their unclipped nails and karate kicking you in the ribs.  All fun and games.  (Seriously one night ended in bloodshed for Brian and Cameron proceeded to ram his claw-like fingers up Brian's nose in an effort to touch his brain.  Sleeping.  We miss it.)  Anyway I am trying to get comfortable while my oldest is on my right side snoring like a grown man and breathing on me.  A girl has to get comfortable, which just so happens to mean dropping the child that your left arm had been supporting for the past 30 minutes.  In 2 seconds, every single thought raced through my mind...I went from his teeth being knocked out, to a black eye, to needing stitches, to a broken arm, to paralysis...and it's all MY FAULT.  Being a mom is fun.  So I picked up Jack who is face down in between the end table and the bed, and aside from the screaming he has one little mark that won't stop bleeding.  I hate head wounds.  After stopping the bleeding he was ready to play StoryBots as long as he had a "pop part."  His guardian angels put in overtime each and everyday, and I am so grateful.  Lord knows my parenting can use all the help in the world.   

Singing in the rain

Riding bikes got interesting when it started to rain.  I figured both kids would freak out and head for drier pastures, but they were game.   Just a heads up for parents out there...make sure your kids have another pair of shoes for the morning.