What does a girl have to do to get a good steak?

My mouth was watering and the A 1 was ready. I got home from a long day of work to the sound of cows mooing. Yes, cows. Mooing. Looking into my back yard, there are EIGHT cows hanging out crapping up a storm. It's all fun and games until my bushes get eaten. If you've ever been to my house, my back yard bushes are the only things I've managed to keep alive, and I give myself zero credit for that. I'd like to take this time to pay respect to the Indian Hawthorns that battled with the Angus beasts and lost. These plants fought everyday since I first brought them home from Home Depot. They managed to find a way to water and weed themselves. They made it through snow, drought and Hurricane Gustav. I appreciate the pleasing aesthetic they provided for all those years. Now back to the beef. So I have cows in my yard, what to do? I called the police. Ma'am, what's your complaint? I have cows in my yard. Eight cows in my back yard. They're not mine. Sure enough, the cop rolls up fully armed and ready to protect and to serve. He and his buddy manage to startle the cows back into their pasture. They took one look at the dental floss they have for a fence and just assumed the cows wouldn't find their way back. Hahaha. One point for the cows.

Round two starts again with the mooing. The next thing I know I'm changing Cameron and through the window is a future Big Mac. They're back. I call the police again. Hi, it's me again. The one with the cows. They're back. The same cop rolls up, but he doesn't come see me this time. Why? The cows are in the FRONT YARD! The neighbors are out with their cameras because there were five future Whoppers standing in my front flower bed chowing down on those Indian Hawthorns. Of course, I'm on the phone with Brian. "We have cows!!! They are everywhere!!" Cameron is just giggling away. Then the city slicker rolls up. The police department called 1-800-rent-a-cowboy and four cowboys emerge to be the heroes of the day. One of them pulls out an Indiana Jones bull whip and goes to town. It was the coolest thing!!! The police officer is trying to tell him where the cows came in, and the cowboy puts a hand up and says, "Don't worry, they're going to find where to go." I couldn't make this last part up. The cowboy's license plate in the front said, "Beef, it's what's for dinner."