On the Road

Cameron moved out of the infant carrier into a big boy car seat, which is an exact replica of the seats used in the space shuttle Discovery. He usually sleeps on long car rides, but not this time. Of course I decide to drive back from Norco when my child is starving and in pants that are 2 sizes too small. (FYI - it was a 12 month but I swear that tag is wrong.) It's raining so the option of speeding is thrown out the window, it's illegal to pull a Britney Spears and ride with the kid in my lap, and I haven't been able to grow an extra pair of arms on command. Amidst the wailing that begins 5 minutes after merging onto I-10, I get the bright idea that he must have snacks in his diaper bag. The diaper bag is wedged behind the passenger side seat, which is blocked by the adult-sized recliner Cameron is buckled in. One quick go-go gadget arm and I launched the bag into the front seat and scrambled to find some snacks. Here's where the fun begins. I take one puff and wedge my arm into the back seat, and try to shove this thing into his mouth. Along the way I managed to poke him in the top of the head, the eye and his ear. If you've ever had one of these things, apparently they take less that two seconds to completely disintegrate into nothing so Cameron starts wailing again. It became a scene similar to Pavlov's dogs where every time he cried, I shoved a Puff in his mouth. I think the serving size was 9 pieces, but I'm guessing that's just the "suggested" amount. Almost 20 pieces later I was out of an option. This is when the singing began. Cameron loves Baby Songs. (For those of you with a small child or know someone with a child on the way, this is the ultimate silencer.) I started singing each song I remembered from the DVD. He stopped crying. I stopped singing. He resumed crying. SERIOUSLY? I continued again from the top. Same result. I continued with another round of Piggy Toes, and then I decided to add in a little Billy Joel. The kid started crying the instant I started with, "It's 9 o'clock on a Saturday." YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME. Back to Baby Songs. All I could think was: #1 why did I not buy this CD and #2 I have got the worst singing voice known to man. I'm glad someone enjoyed it though.