Why? Why has the thought entered my mind that I could go early? I wish I could erase this terrifying and highly unrealistic thought. The weekly question from complete strangers, "Is it twins?" wasn't enough to make me think of an early delivery. The thought entered my mind after my last doctor's visit.
The sonogram showed Jack squished in there. Imagine you're in a tent and trying to crawl out from underneath all that fabric. That's what he looked like. His knees are supporting his chin, and his arms are constantly trying to fight for more room. You can't say I'm not providing a spacious home. Then they told me the size. 6 pounds 14 ounces. Actually, I wasn't the least bit surprised. Cameron measured 7 pounds 3 ounces at this stage. Then with the numbers crunched, "You due date still looks like October 26." Excuse me? Don't toy with my emotions at this point. "You mean November 5?" The tech comes back with, "All of my measurements calculate the 26th as your due date, but of course the measurements could be off by about a pound or so." Too late...thought formulated.
I waltzed into the doctor's office for my pelvic exam, and I can't concentrate. I'm not sure what I was supposed to concentrate on, but I needed to not think about an earlier due date. The doctor examines me, "Two, very close to three centimeters dilated." My exact response was, "What the hell?" Thought permanently etched in my mind. I was instructed that being that dilated really didn't mean any earlier of a due date, but now I'm living in this crazy paranoid world.
Every time I squat to pick up Cameron I'm waiting for my water to break. Every time I vacuum or mop I start having "contractions." Any time Brian leaves I'm formulating a "plan of action" in case I go into labor. I shouldn't shop for groceries thinking what if my water breaks. Do I abandon a cart full of groceries and head for the exit? Do I mention a clean up on aisle 7 to one of the employees, but not mention what exactly he would be cleaning up? Or would I press my luck and just check out like nothing ever happened? Things to think about.
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