Fridays are days I look forward to just like anyone else. This Friday did not disappoint either. Cameron threw up on me. Jack woke up with a fever and snotty nose, which his brother shared with him. I had to wake up sleeping babies to show the house at 8 am. Cameron had diarrhea seep through two outfits. Jack pooped on me. Cameron escaped through our fence gate. I lost Jack's penis. Yup, I lost my son's penis.
It happened sometime between being pooped on and chasing Cameron out the gate since these things were happening simultaneously. I - like hundreds of times before - undid Jack's diaper and began to clean up the damage. Here's where the double take happened. I believe I said, "Oh my God," followed immediately by, "What the hell?" I'm not sure if that's sacrilegious or if I'm just covering all my bases. Then it gets tricky. "Jack, where is your pee pee?" I stooped to a new low when I opened the diaper up as if I had magically wiped his penis off. I cleaned up the area to get a better view. (I am not posting a picture of my son's penis because I think you go to jail for that sort of thing so I'll give you my best description.) Do you have an innie belly button? Take a look. That's what my son's penis looked like. I am not kidding you either. (Google "buried penis" if you don't believe me.) So I am of course panicking. You don't just mess with somebody's manhood. As much as people wanted me to have a girl, I really didn't envision it happening like this. In need of reassurance that this is normal (like hell it is), I take a picture and send it to my mom. Frantically I leave a message with my pediatrician, call Maranda and call my brother. Tom then says, "Did you try pushing around it?" You want me to do what? Reluctantly I listen to my brother, and I kid you not...his penis popped out. I could not make this shit up.
How's that for a Friday?
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